When I say “my” pew, it’s to be taken figuratively and not literally. Over the weekend a friend posted this on her wall and I can’t stop thinking about it.

“You got hammered at the bar on Saturday, but came to church on Sunday….
You can sit with me, you’re right where you need to be.
You’re a drug addict who came to church high this Sunday….
You can sit with me, you’re right where you need to be.
You’re divorced and the last church you attended condemned you for it….
You can sit with me, you’re right where you need to be.
You’ve had an abortion and it’s slowly eating away at your heart, but you came to church on Sunday….
You can sit with me, you’re right where you need to be.
You’ve been unfaithful to your spouse but came to church on Sunday….
You can sit with me, you’re right where you need to be.
Here’s the thing, people don’t come to church on Sunday for you to sit on the pew and quietly judge them because you feel that you’re somehow better than them.
People come to church because in their deepest, darkest, most painful moments, they heard about a man named Jesus that could save their soul and transform their life and they’d like to know him.
The man that just snorted cocaine off his kitchen table isn’t a bigger sinner than you who told your boss a lie on Monday so you could leave work early.
The drunk man laying on the bar isn’t a bigger sinner than you who occasionally has too much to drink at home in private.
The woman that just got caught cheating on her husband isn’t a bigger sinner than you who had sex with your now husband before you were married.
Stop judging others because their sin is different than yours.
Romans 3:23-24 says “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
There isn’t a person in this world too bad, too broken, too mean, or too damaged for Jesus to save.
Romans 10:13 says “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Author Unknown.

Y’all, this is about as inclusive as it comes. When you grew up in a fundamental, conservative, evangelical church (CEC), you pretty much learned the polar opposite. “Those” are the people you pray for. “Those” are the people you don’t want taking up space in “your” pews. “Those” the people “other” people can witness and share The Gospel with. “Those” are not the people “you” want representing “your” church in any way, shape, or form.

The CEC is extremely exclusive. They are particular about who they let in. They have a set of expectations you are expected to meet. Heaven forbid you don’t meet their standards, or question what they believe, they start pushing you to the outside. Then, when you finally had enough and walk out, they shun you. They don’t care that you left. They see you as one who never truly loved the Lord. They question your salvation. To them, it’s implausible to think someone could disagree with them and still call themselves a believer.

I have been pretty open about my deconstruction journey. The friend’s post struck a deep, dark chord within me. It was more about one of my kids, than myself. I have a child who is musical, artsy, quirky, and queer. When certain people in our old church found out, this child was pushed to the outside. A certain leader this child adored sent me a message on social media asking me, if I was aware of what was on said child’s social media page. I was honest and said, “Yes.” This leader didn’t approve and no longer allowed my child to sit with them during Sunday morning services. Certain students, especially one, made my child miserable during church activities. My child does not fit the norms expected of that type of church. It got to where my child no longer wanted anything to do with church.

As a parent, I was not ok with this. As a parent, if I found out one of my kids was acting the way that youth did, it would be all over, but the shouting. I don’t want to raise kids who are jerks. I want my kids to embrace differences. I want my kids to welcome those who are on the fringes. I try to make sure my home is a safe place for any kid who walks through the door.

I am of the strong opinion that ALL children and youth SHOULD feel welcome, safe, and accepted in church. The outside world can be cruel. For some kids, not mine, even home can be miserable. The Church “should” be a safe haven. When people don’t fit the expected norms of the CEC, they are pushed to the outside. It sucks, especially when it’s a student. People seem baffled when kids leave home, go off to college, and want nothing to do with church anymore. Reality is, the ones who stay are the ones who fit in, in their youth groups. The ones who leave are the ones who were never truly accepted for who they were/ are.

I have taken my child and have moved not only to a different church, but left the denomination all together. It’s been roughly 8 months since I left our old church and about 5ish months since I walked into the doors of the new church. How I landed there, is a cool story which I will share at a later date. I feel like the Lord set all of this in motion long before I even thought about leaving the SBC.

The more I think about my own story, my child’s story, and look at the history of SBC and CECs, the angrier I get. How many people have been pushed away from the church? How many people have felt rejection in the one place they “should” have been welcomed with open arms? Why did those churches think they were above what Christ called them to be? Why did they take on the roles of the legalistic Pharisees and turn their backs on what Christ actually taught? Bible verses were cherry picked. Bible verses were used to shame and control. Too many verses were taken out of context. As a result that type of church became the total opposite of what Christ called it to be.

The CEC took those verses to push people away. Churches became a “Holy Huddle,” and took on the exclusive country club mentality. It was an obvious us vs them. Being judgmental was the norm. Looking down on others who are different was the norm. A phrase I heard growing up was “The church is a hospital for the sick and not a club for the saints.” My experience was the opposite, especially as I got older.

As I have walked through my deconstruction, I have realized how many incredible people are around me. I have some amazing friends I wouldn’t have, had I stayed in the mindset I grew up in. My life is colorful, in several ways, because of these friends. I am able to see others how Christ sees them. I WANT to learn their stories. I WANT To be the hands and feet of Christ where I can. I don’t want to live in a world with people who only look, think and act like me. 
When you call people on the judgements being thrown and remind them of the whole “Love your neighbor as yourself” thing, they dig their heels in, and resist even harder. It seems this is one of the teachings of Christ people in the CEC world like to overlook. They talk a great talk, but there is nothing to back it up. To accept people in the social media post above would mean taking “The Golden Rule” to heart and actually following it. This would also mean to allow people in the church who do not look, act, or think like them.

In conclusion: STOP being judgmental! Truly accept ALL people who walk in the doors of your church. I don’t care how they look, what they believe, or the lives they live outside of the church. You might actually find you have more in common with those you shun than you think. You might actually see why Jesus hung out with who He did and NOT the Pharisees.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40